The real Gloria Swanson is so different from Norma Desmond, the character she famously portrayed in ‘Sunset Blvd.’, that I’ve constructed an alternate universe explaining the discrepancy. In my alt-reality, Norma Desmond and her younger sister Gloria Desmond were a sister act in Vaudeville and came to Hollywood in 1919 determined to break into pictures. Norma, the shrewd and more ambitious one, immediately set about seducing heads of studios, leading actors and directors with her airs, flirtation and immense charisma. Whereas Gloria, who was considerably less aggressive, was disgusted by the whole town and high-tailed it back to New York where she met a well-to-do man (or two or three), married wealthily (a few times) and spent her life as a society matron who raised money for good causes, as well as raising a family of smart, productive and happy children (from a few different husbands). That’s the Gloria Desmond on view above, age 72, having experienced a much happier life than her sister Norma (who presumably went to prison for the murder of Joe Gillis). Except that it’s not Gloria Desmond, it’s Gloria Swanson who, as saw in yesterday’s interview, had about as much in common with Norma Desmond as she did with Jackie Gleason. In this 1971 Dick Cavett show Swanson is typically charming, poised, very natural and–to my surprise–offended by the Broadway show ‘Lenny’. It’s a bit of a let-down–I love that she was so modern and forward thinking in matters of diet and skin-care and exercise. But she apparently was taken aback by something she saw on stage (it wasn’t language–was there simulated sex in ‘Lenny’?)–and huffed out of the theater at some point during the first act. Since I’m surprised that Gloria Swanson was that prude I’ll instead revert to my alt-reality and believe that it’s society matron Gloria Desmond who left the theater. Who could blame her? Simulated sex scenes are not for a lady of Ms. Desmond’s ilk..